Does Shit Actually ‘Just Happen’, or Did We Consciously Walk Into the Bathroom?

***Please note, that if you are a woman, none of the things mentioned in this post actually apply to you, because it is a well known fact that women are incapable of producing shit, and they actually do not have buttholes.

My existence is marked, not by surviving trials and tribulations, but by the dogged avoidance of adversity.

Except when it comes to glitter… you can’t avoid getting that shit everywhere. That is true adversity…

But seriously, for the antagonist out there who wants to argue (in regards to this post’s title) that, “Of course shit happens. It’s a mechanism of life. You can’t survive nor live a life in which shit does not, in fact, happen, and adversity, like shit, is going to happen as well” I would like to respond:

“No fucking duh.”

Then I would like to point out that the title is just that, a title. My actual opinion rests on the idea that, while shit DOES happen, it is entirely up to you the manner in which you deliver your shit from your asses to the masses.

The way I see it, you can squat Bridesmaids style in the middle of the street, reach down for a liberal scoop and start flinging it as passersby, then start balling because you have shit on your hands.

OR

You can excuse yourself from present company and deposit your excrement privately in the loo.

In both cases, shit did happen, but the important part is in how you handled it.

You do not need to talk about your shit, blog about your shit, write crappy lyrics about your shit, or post Anthony-Elonis-style about your shit on Facebook (reference his upcoming Supreme Court Trial). You are actually capable keeping your shit to yourself.

Another side to the ‘how you handle your shit’ argument is:

Not only do you have control over where you deal with your shit, but you also have a moderate amount of control over how much shit you have to deal with. Extending the shitting in the street or the loo analogy out, you can compare the negative aspect of taking a shit in the street to bringing more shit onto your plate and the more positive aspect of taking a shit in the loo to mitigating the amount of shit you have to deal with.

Boiling it down:

YOU HAVE MORE CONTROL THAN YOU THINK.

Unless you sharted… which works perfectly into the analogy as shit you couldn’t reasonably expect and which you did not plan on bringing upon yourself. And this SHIT does in fact happen. This is the unfortunate unforseen stuff that nobody actually has control over. Like maybe debilitating sorrow due to death or getting laid off from your job due to a crippled economy. BUT even so, you can still choose to deal with these things in a more graceful manner by going into the bathroom, cleaning yourself up, and free-balling it for the rest of the day.

Now that I have literally, figuratively, and homonormatively beaten that analogy to death, I think it’s time to abandon it.

All I’m trying to say is, while I may have had what some people consider a ‘bad’ or alternative childhood, I don’t really see it that way… my perspective is completely and utterly skewed by the fact that I am completely and utterly an imbecilic optimist. And while there may have been a few cards stacked against me, I made the decision to learn how to count cards and manipulate the deck so that things began to fall more in my favor as I got older. Yes, sometimes bad things still happened, but I avoided adversity with all that I had, and I tried to put myself into positions that damn near guaranteed success.

Know yourself, know your weakness, and in the vein of Weakness WODs for Crossfit that I mentioned in a previous post, know what to do about them. Tackle it before it snowballs into something you can’t handle.

In essence, HAVE A POSITIVE ATTITUDE, set yourself up for success, and don’t complain if you lapsed and failed to do those things.

The Consolation Prize: Strength

Hey, self, you’re fat. 192lbs to be exact. But at least you made four new PRs between today and yesterday:

Uno – Back Squat 185lbs
Dos – Front Squat 165lbs
Tres – Snatch 95lbs
Quatro – Clean and Jerk 135lbs

It’s an absolutely amazing feeling when something that seemed impossible a few weeks ago has now happened. When you get stuck at a weight every time you go up for a new PR weight and fail, it feels as if you will never be able to get up with that amount of weight, and yet, one day, that weight becomes easy, commonplace, just another coblestone on your path to the national weight lifting championships or the games. And you breath a sigh of relief that you are, in fact, NOT a failure.

In other news, I am beginning the transition to a new gym because my husband and I had our offer accepted on a house, so I’m transferring to a gym closer to work. So far I am extremely happy with it. Fathom Crossfit is pristine, large, and the people seem just as welcoming as my current gym, which is saying something.

House… it’s going to be our castle on the hill. Seriously. I’ts gorgeous… beyond gorgeous.

No Years Resolution: And 2 CONCRETE Ways to Actually Have Self Control

I probably don’t need to tell you why I don’t make New Years Resolutions, but it has something to do with the fact that I know I won’t keep them. I have issues telling myself to do anything and sticking with it. I feel like putting a name on it just exacerbates the issue. It gives you something even more concrete to rebel against in your mind.

There are a few of us peons out there who suffer from some real self control issues. Mine stems from a combination of doing things obsessively (like eating) as well as simply not being “fully present”, as I like to say, in my own mind. This is a result of being ADHD. I feel like in order to truly have self control, you should at least be able to, in the moment, fully recognize the consequences of your actions. Usually, I don’t even think about it. I just dive in, then sometimes it occurs to me in the middle of eating the whole box of Wheat Thins that it may not be a good idea to keep going. Up until the halfway point, I didn’t even think about it.

So, on that note, I do NOT make New Years Resolutions, unless it’s something like this:

I kind of figure I can keep that one… but, hey, knowing me I’d find a way not to.

So, enough of this negativity. I will offer you the only solutions I have found that kind of work:

1. For diet: If you find that you can’t limit how much you eat, limit how much you spend. For someone like me, that can also be a problem, as I usually don’t pay attention to how much I spend, just like I don’t pay attention to how much I eat. And to hell with receipt tracking and writing down everything you spend, because my brain just isn’t on board with that much detail work. So, instead, what you do is take a set amount of money. I find that $20 a day works best for me and is the easiest; ATMs dispense $20s after all, but obviously your budget will determine this. Take those $20 per day and take a pen or pencil and write the upcoming dates on them, one day on each bill. That is your money for the day. You are only allowed to spend that, and ideally, you should try to minimize how much of that $20 you spend. Take the extra money at the end of the day and slide it into a separate part of your wallet. That is play money. It’s up to you what your daily dollars will be used for. I used mine for all food, movie ticket purchases, etc. This system has a two-fold effect. You limit your food intake as well as your money spent. I lost thirty pounds this way in three months.
2. Post notices where you can see them, reminding you to care about things. At home on a wall you see frequently and/or at work. For someone like me, who rebels internally when told to do things, I discovered the only style of notice that I can respond to. I take a plain white peace of printer paper and write in large bold letters a means to a goal and on the bottom I write the goal itself. Examples:

MCAT

BUSINESS SCHOOL

CROSSFIT

GAMES

FOOD

HOT

EYES, TEETH, HAIR

HEALTH

BOOK

PUBLISHED

When I do it this way my brain makes the connections and recognizes the benefits of doing these things and that I want to do them. It’s also a constant visual reminder of my goals. I don’t include any negative statements like those with the word -don’t- in them, because I will rebel and won’t listen. These turn into positive statements like: if I eat healthy FOOD I will become HOT.

And that is all from the advice fairy for the day… I guess it’s time to follow my own.

Back On the Radio Flyer Wagon

Oh Crossfit Hillcrest, how I love you. They finally posted up an easily accessible records board with the top fives for all the major lifts, rows, and workouts. While my cardio is still severely lacking (the only workout Top 5 I’m on is all power snatching), my weightlifts are much better (Ranked 1st or 2nd in all but two of them). This board has singlehandedly inspired me to not miss any of the last three workouts… my competitive spirit at work.

Most recent PRs: 105# power snatch. I think that my snatching is gradually improving. Thank God! It’s the hardest thing to get down form-wise. 12:47 3K row (A far cry from my old school 5K split times, but I’m working on it). For the row, I looked at the record board, then sat down on the erg to beat it… I may be a little mean, but I’m very protective of the rowing times on the board as a former college rower.

I think I can finally say I’m back on the bus. If I didn’t have two lab reports, a problem set, and a lab due tomorrow… in addition to already having gone to Crossfit three times this week, I would be doing my Weakness WODs. I am SO sore right now. Should settle in within the next week to a comfortable improvement to soreness ratio. Schoolwork will simmer down, too, and I will be able to get roaring on my Weakness WODs.

Called It

I didn’t go to Crossfit last night.

Granted, I was extremely sore from the workout Monday (because I’m just starting to get back into it, and I also have a lab report due today (in addition to a problem set), so I just passed the hell out at 5pm so that I could wake up at 1130pm to GET WORK DONE. I still didn’t even complete my lab report, but at least I got sleep and did enough of it.

So… I live to WOD another day. I like to make a slow approach to fitness when I first get back into working out anyway, because I’m always extremely sore and am not too keen on hurting myself.

Weakness WODs

So, there’s this thing I do when I suck at something.

I do more of it.

Novel idea. I honestly wish I could apply it to the rest of my life, but it seems that I mainly just approach Crossfit this way. Maybe I could fix a few of my shortcomings if I started thinking this way all the time… but I won’t promise myself anything. This goes back to my ‘Self-Undermining OCD’ idea and being obsessed with anything and everything that undermines my ability to achieve greatness. The less I try to force myself to do something the more likely it is to happen. So, I’ll think about it.

On that vein, I have an idea that, again, I will not promise myself I will stick to it, but I think it’s a good idea nonetheless. So here it is:

Weakness WODs

I already pretty much do this during open gym time at Crossfit Hillcrest (San Diego). Now I’m just deciding to give it a name, and to place slightly more mental emphasis on doing it. I will usually have a pre-drafted list of my Weaknesses before heading to the gym, and then I construct a workout out of them… or I just do them randomly, because I’m too scatterbrained to do them in some semblance of order. I’m the type of person who will run five minutes on the treadmill, then 20 minutes on the bike, 15 on the elliptical, and 10 more on the treadmill, just because I can’t ‘sit’ still for long enough to do just one of those for 50 minutes.

Admittedly, it would be much more efficient to go into it with a plan, so I think I will do that… plan, that is. The first step is getting down a comprehensive list of my weaknesses:

1. BEING FAT (Paleo)
2. Pushups (Strict Chest-to-Deck Tricep Style)
3. Thrusters
4. Toes to Bars
   1. Technique Practice
5. Knees to Elbows
6. Handstands & Handstand Pushups
   1. Handstands
   2. Negatives
   3. Strict Press
7. Overhead Squats (covers Snatch)
   1. Bottom of the Squat Holds
   2. Sally
8. Back Squats
   1. Bottom of the Squat Holds
   2. Sally
9. Goblet Squats
10. Ring Dips
11. Double Unders
12. Pistols
13. Running
14. Ring Pushups
15. Butterfly Pullups
16. Chest-to-Bar Pullups
17. Box Jumps
18. Wall Balls
19. Planches
20. Bar Muscle Ups
21. Ring Muscle Ups

Things in Bold I can’t do at all.

This week’s workouts include:

• Deadlifts
• Handstand (Pushups)
• Box Jumps
• KB Swings
• Double Unders
• Pullups
• Pushups
• Squats

Sooo, what to do:

• Pistols
• OHS
• Ring Dips
• Pushups
• Pullups

Workout:

1. 1 Set max reps Pullups (Dead Hang), 2 min rest
2. 1 Set max reps Pullups (Kipping), 2 min rest
3. 1 Set max reps Pullups (Butterfly), 2 min rest
4. 1 Set max reps Pushups Chest-to-Deck, 10 min rest
5. 12 minutes AMPAP (unbroken) – As Many Pistols as Possible
   1. Alternating Pistols starting with right leg (move to OHS once broken), record #
   2. 5 OHS @ 55lb
   3. 15 Second Ring Dip Hold

Record rounds completed as well.

Also… just a random note: I made a pizza sandwich today out of two slices, one sausage and one veggie… that’s Paleo right?

Hi-atus

Sending out a post-hiatus Hi!

It’s been a bit.

Life has exploded since my last post. Not like spontaneous combustion/death exploded. More like confetti exploded… or fireworks, from which you are standing a safe distance away. Generally just an innocuous and exciting explosion.

I was indeed accepted to volunteer with Big Brothers Big Sisters, a program which pairs you with an underprivileged ‘Little’, who you take out on the town and do activities with. So far we’ve gone to the zoo, the safari park, Barnes and Noble, and to the movies twice. I think we’ll start hitting up some discount book shops, so we can buy more books. We also want to start designing and sewing clothes of our own designs.

In other volunteering news, BIG volunteering news, I likely start as a Research Assistant for one of UCSD’s VA Hospital PTSD Research projects next week. This is HUGE… there will only be six people working on this project, and they usually only allow UCSD students to be Research Assistants. The only reason I have this opportunity is because my friend Howie is one of the Researchers (working on his PHD). I am a lucky ducky… and my boss, after a bit of needling, has finally agreed to allow me to work on the project. I want to be a Navy Psychiatrist, so this is an amazing opportunity for me.

Yet another thing I need to start doing is shadowing surgeons at the Naval Hospital, so that I can get some clinical time under my belt. Note to self… get on this.

Speaking of explosions… my waistline has not ceased to explode. I still weigh exactly the same as my last weighin (188lbs). At the very least, I’m maintaining, but it’s still disappointing for me and my Crossfit abilities. I have been taking far too much time off of Crossfit, mainly as a result of weekly destruction by Organic Chemistry I. I have a C in lecture right now (and an A in lab)… my exam next Thursday will make or break my grade. I simply wish I had more time… but I am one busy MoFo.

Volunteering: BBBS – 17 hours.

Exercise: ~1 hour per week.

A Month in Review

April’s passing has seen a lot of improvements… also some lack of improvement.

Improvements: every weight lift ever, applied to the local community college so that I can register for the first of four required med school prerequisites I am missing, attended orientation for Big Brothers Big Sisters. Hopefully I get accepted to the program!

Lack of Improvements: Haven’t lost a pound, I continue to have shin splints from running and jump roping (originating when I started back in March), the house is still a mess, I don’t take the dog to the dog park enough.

 A note about today. I felt like 17 sacks of crap all festering next to each other in the recent 95 degree San Diego sun. No more drinking during the week… or period. It seriously interferes with training in a way that makes me grumpy. Also, it’s expensive in a way that makes me more grumpy. Also, cleaning up vomit makes me the grumpiest.

Some quick weight-lifting highlights. (Btway… I’m diagnosed ADHD, so if my posts ever seem spastic and everywhere, they ARE, imagine what goes on in my head all the time):

1. Old back squat max 150#.
2. I say old because my new front squat max as of yesterday is 150#… just assuming the back squat is much higher now.
3. 85# overhead squat AND power snatch… yay!
4. 300# deadlift, but we already knew that.
5. Not lifting but hey sue me… 17 Double Unders in 3 min!
6. 7 consecutive Double Unders.

I had to get taped at weighins the other day… 188# puts me 11# overweight. I passed the tape measurer on the nose after correcting him about using the natural waist NOT the belly button.

^Depression inducing weight.

I’m considering offering the first person who inspires me to lose 30# and get abs and become a runner $500… they would essentially have to be my personal trainer to make that happen, haha Any takers?

Strong & Fat

Lifetime PR, Lifetime PR, Lifetime PR.

Back Squat, Bench Press, Dead Lift.

150 pounds, 115 pounds, 275 pounds.

Today marks exactly 1.5 months back lifting, and I have come to a few conclusions:

1. Having a gym around the corner is fantastic.
2. Having a FANTASTIC gym around the corner is even more fantastic.
3. Letting myself go is the worst sin I frequently commit against myself.

I don’t quite understand what’s happening… I am getting stronger than I ever have been, and VERY quickly. I have surpassed the level I was at in college after a few months of daily crew practice and lifting three times a week. The only problem is I’m not losing any weight… I still weigh 185. I have doubtless swapped a large amount of fat for muscle in the past month and a half, but my running hasn’t gotten much better, and I don’t foresee it getting better until I lose some weight. It’s so hard to get up the motivation to run long distances when you’re carting around a small toddler’s worth of assfat. I’ve actually only run once since I’ve been back, besides Crossfit WOD running… which has been more like slogging through extra-thick pudding than running, so I don’t count it.

Needless to say, I Love my new ‘box’. I really hate calling Crossfit Gyms boxes; I think it sounds extremely awkward and somewhat pretentious. My old box wasn’t bad… actually it’s widely considered one of the best in the country. Multiple Crossfit Games competitors train there, but I feel like it’s just so easy to get lost in the mix. There’s something to be said for a smaller, more family-like gym. I’m also able to watch my times and weights get closer and closer (and sometimes surpass) those of the best ladies in the gym. So, shoutout to Crossfit Hillcrest. I’m really appreciating what you’re doing for me.

Small change of topic- I haven’t been back to swimming practice with the San Diego Triathlon Club Masters for a few weeks due to the necessity to spend time with loved ones and being sick this week, BUT at the last practice (my second since being back) my friend and I were pushing each other to maintain a 1:31 average for 10x100yds. We finished faster than we started, at 1:27 for the last rep. I guess getting older really does lead to a little maturity… I’m able to push myself so much more than when I was younger. I just wish I was able to keep it up… haha. That seems to be the limiting factor these days.

Transgendered Athletes

VERY well written. I hadn’t done my research to this extent, but anyone who knows anything about transgendered MtFs knows that they undergo hormone therapy that causes their bodies to behave (largely) like a cis-female (born XX). TheNeuroCurean nailed this on the head with their analysis.

theneurocurean

Recently there was a discussion on the message board of my Crossfit affiliate discussing the decision to prevent Chloie Jonsson from competing in the 2014 Crossfit Games as a female. Chloie is a transgendered woman who underwent gender reassignment 8 years ago and has been living as a woman since she was 16. She is a crossfit athlete but has been told this year that she has an unfair advantage due to her being born a genetic male. In fact, let me quote the letter sent out by Crossfit HQ: “…Our decision has nothing to do with “ignorance” or being bigots — it has to do with a very real understanding of the human genome, of fundamental biology, that you are either intentionally ignoring or missed in high school.” Wow. This comment is rude, it is dismissive, it is offensive, and most of all, it is simply wrong.

This horrible…

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